Motherhood and Choices

“...human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but...life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”  

~Gabriel Garcia Marquez

This quote struck a chord with me today, as I've been thinking a lot about change, as well as mothers and what an influence they have over our lives. (Well, technically of course the quote didn't literally strike a chord...wow, if you think about it too hard, the English language can be strange sometimes, can't it?)



It's true, though, we spend our whole lives reinventing ourselves. I mean, I'm only 38 (only - ha!) and so far, I've already had two different careers (theatre & finance), am about to start a third (motherhood - yikes!)...and who knows what'll happen next. That's not even mentioning life-changes, of which there have been many (and likely will be many more). Change is ever-present, and I guess I must somehow be comforted by that, or I would have made plenty of different decisions throughout my life (moving to NYC at 23 years old -- with only two suitcases, $1,000 in the bank, and a promise I could sleep on a friend's couch -- springs to mind). 

And although our mothers influence us -- some more strongly than others -- we're ultimately responsible for who we become in life, just like our children will be responsible for their own lives. (By the way, is it normal that I've still not quite come to terms with the reality that we'll have our own kid in a few months? When is it going to hit me?)


Ultimately, it all comes down to two choices. We can continue along a path that's safe, comfortable or just less-scary than the unknown that's brought about by "change". Or, we can take risks, trust in our own strength and have faith that if we believe in ourselves, things will work out. There is no such thing as a "right" or "wrong" choice. There is simply...choice.


I've always believed that "right" is a relative concept. Just as I believe that life is lived in nuanced shades of grey, regret is a wasted emotion and every choice simply informs the next step along our path in life -- there are no "right" or "wrong" decisions (though some may be more appropriate at the time than others). I wish I could say I've consistently followed those principles, but nobody's perfect (certainly not me) although I do try! So the best I can do is just that...my best. Sure, sometimes I wish things in my life had worked out differently...wonder, "what if...?"...but if they had, then I wouldn't be the person I am today. And that would be a darn shame, because I'm finally beginning to like myself.


Mom would understand. At least, I hope she would.