What's important to you?

Compared to the amount of work I used to get done in a given day, I've become a lazy shadow of my former self. However, that's been kind of wonderful for me (in a strange way), because it's allowed me more time and freedom to think about things I've put off...in some cases, for years. I love coming up with grand plans and/or project ideas, but never seem to find time to follow through on them. My hubby is always telling me I deserve a break -- after all, I've been working hard (and consistently) for nearly 25 years now -- but I struggle to feel worthy.

With all the recent changes in my life, that's begun to change as well -- albeit in baby steps.

Along those lines, I spent most of this morning reading Gretchen Rubin's blog and plotting out "tools" in my "happiness project toolbox". I felt very productive. I completed my one-sentence journal. I made a list of things I enjoy (and vowed to spend more time on those things). I created resolutions on energy/health, in order to encourage myself to devote more time/focus toward being healthy and regaining my strength so that I can be more prepared for childbirth and motherhood. (I even kept a lot of those resolutions today...five of eight...which may not be perfect, but it's a good start!)

I also created a list of my personal "commandments" -- according to the toolbox, these are supposed to be "overarching principles [...] to guide your actions and thoughts." It was harder than I'd imagined it would be. The first few came pretty easily, but then I stalled and had to take time to really think about what was important to me. I began to realize that I typically spend less time on things I truly value (family, friends, creative pursuits) and more time on things that either I thought I should value...or didn't require much effort (work, TV, internet). Here's my list, as a work-in-progress...

My personal commandments 

• Trust my instincts
• Take risks; don't be afraid to fail
• Be patient
• Act "as if"
• Treat myself, and others, with kindness
• Let it go
• Appreciate the present
• Spend when it matters
• Think happy thoughts
• Have faith
• Smile more
• Make time for people and things I enjoy

Of course, by the end of the day I've already begun to wonder whether this is yet another exercise in futility and I'm wasting my time. (This is another demon I deal with regularly...things that I actually enjoy begin to seem trivial, and my natural inclination is to brush them off for something the rest of the population might consider worthy by "normal" standards.) 

So just for now, I'm trying to stay positive, focus on the fact that this is one step in a process, and stick with it. I won't do everything perfectly, and I may waste a little time (or make mistakes along the way), but I can follow through on this one thing. I'll remind myself that I may not be perfect, but maybe I can work toward being a little bit happier...and doesn't every kid want a happy mom?