My bump didn't lower my IQ

Basic chivalry/courtesy is great. I love seeing a teenager give up his seat on the bus for the elderly, or someone in a suit pausing to hold the door - even when they're obviously in a rush (I do have southern family, after all). Lately, however, I've begun to notice a change in people's attitudes towards me...once they realize I'm pregnant.

I had seen articles and books that said people (even strangers?) tend to get over-involved in pregnant women's business -- touching stomachs (eww!), giving unsolicited advice, telling horror stories about their own childbirth experiences, playing up the risks that exist during pregnancy (who knew deli meats were so dangerous?!).

I guess I just didn't realize these same people would automatically assume I became an idiot the moment the pregnancy test came back positive. (There's a great article from The Times on this subject as well, written by Kate Johnson a few years ago: Hey, I’m pregnant, not stupid.)

These warnings and supposed pregnancy risks have become so ludicrous that a bunch of my over-35-and-pregnant friends actually have a running joke about it. It all started with the Fourth of July, when one of us commented on a babycenter.com article ("11 Summer Dangers You Can Outsmart") in which there was a question about the safety/risks for pregnant women attending fireworks celebrations:

"It's fine for pregnant women to go to a fireworks display. The smoke is minimal and will not affect the pregnancy," says Michele Hakakha, a Beverly Hills ob-gyn. "However, you should not be the one actually lighting the fireworks."

I'm sorry, but isn't that sort of...well...common sense? Do people somehow imagine there's an inverse relationship between the size of our baby bump and the size of our brains? Is it really possible that just because we're having a baby, we're no longer able to function without supervision? I mean, come on! I've got a college degree. I like to think I'm a generally well-educated, intelligent woman...and so are my friends. Why is it that people feel compelled to treat us like we're idiots now that we're pregnant?

What really bothers me is the implication (sometimes not so subtle) that because I'm having a baby, I've somehow been rendered helpless, unable to do anything besides think about being pregnant, incapable of putting together a cohesive thought about anything other than a crib or my diet (gotta stay healthy for baby!). Apparently, pregnant women need more strict guidance/supervision than others...because...wait, why is that exactly?

This is not to say that some of these warnings have no basis in fact. Obviously binge drinking, using crack and bungee jumping are probably a bad idea...especially in your third trimester. So is drinking six triple-espressos a day and eating week-old sushi. But the fear and paranoia are so out of control at this point, with even doctors and nurses warning about the potentially life-threatening hazards of doing [insert your favorite activity here], that it seems as if just getting out of bed in the morning is too dangerous to consider. (Here's another great article on the topic, written by Lynn Wong for the Parenting Squad blog: Yes, You Can Drink While Pregnant.)

By now, all of us "over-35-preggos" (my term) have agreed that if we were to listen to all the crazy rantings out there about what's safe (or not) for pregnant women, we'd have been locked up long ago. Our newborns would be whisked away to Child Protective Services the moment they were born (if, in fact, they were even born...after all, one can never underestimate the dangers of eating raw cookie dough!!)! 

Since some of you may not be fully aware of the potential risky behaviors that exist in the world today for pregnant women, I figured I'd share just a few my friends have mentioned that I hadn't been aware of previously. Please feel free to pass along to others, especially if it means saving lives...

• surfing the internet or using the microwave (those machines could emit potentially hazardous radiation)
• licking a stamp (what about those potential toxins in the glue?)
• getting dressed (if you're not careful, you could accidentally strangle yourself)
• showering (if you look up for too long, you could drown the baby...and/or the shampoo you're using might be toxic)
• driving (accidents do happen)
• leaving the house without supervision (what if you fall!!??)

Of course, I could always just listen to what my dad always says, "Everything in moderation." But that would just be too easy...and what would Child Protective Services say?

So, I certainly won't be mentioning that I enjoy the occasional eggs benedict with salmon and (caffeinated) coffee, like I did for brunch last Sunday. (I'd hate to be locked up before Spud is even born...)